Coca Cola wants to turn you into a fancy milk drinker

Apart from the fact that milk comes from unwilling cows who are forced to give up their babies for slaughter, milk is fucking gross. Have you ever seen a grown-ass man drinking a full glass of milk? Picture it. It makes him look like a weird man-baby, and it’s all made worse that he’s not the baby it’s intended for! Milk has no match when it comes to the absolutely disgusting. Well-adjusted people simply don’t drink milk by itself, however, Coca Cola has decided that for whatever reason, it’s time to change that!

The Coca Cola company is set on creating a nation of milk-drinking baby people. “The beverage company has teamed up with dairy cooperative Fairlife to distribute an “ultra-filtered” milk product that has 50% more protein and half as much sugar as regular milk. After rolling it out slightly over a year ago, Fairlife sales have reportedly hit around $90 million, and specialty milk sales across the industry jumped more than 20%, as Coke aims to turn the beverage into a billion-dollar brand, according to Bloomberg,” reports Fortune.

At only $4 a bottle, the Fairlife milk is about the same price as a very fancy kombucha, but comes complete with baby stealing and cow abuse. Bottoms up, or not!